Well, I went to a larger EE store closer to home on Saturday and they also said the same thing - that there is no way they could get the EE card to work in the phone without it being unlocked and that I'd have to buy an orange SIM for it to work etc etc etc but because EE, Orange and T-Mobile are three different networks there is no obligation from one to unlock the phone so it can work with one of the others. I wasn't in the mood to argue on Saturday morning so took the phone to a little shop in town and had it unlocked for £15 so at least I now have a working phone
but I will be writing a letter to EE / Orange - but am not holding my breath about the outcome