Vocal Voices

by **Kaz** » 17 May 2014, 18:48

A man wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".
"1st - Who was born in a stable?"
"Red Rum" he replied
"2nd - What do you think of Damascus ?"
"It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.
"3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive ?"
"That’s easy" he said "Popeye kicked the shit out of them!!"

Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I"ve got a part in the school play as a man who"s been married for 25 years."
His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you"ll get a speaking part!!"

In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I"ve blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I"ve just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven"t seen the funny side, my lap top"s been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mother.

Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs.Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth.
Police say the dangerous practice is called "e by gum"
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A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I"ve browt it with us."
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A Yorkshireman"s dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin" a bone yer daft bugger!"
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The last is always best
Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"