Day 2 in the Debih Strike House

[debih]

I remember my Nan used to wait up for my grandad coming home from his Masonic meetings so she could serve his cheese and crackers.

It didn't matter what time he got in, she'd be there waiting.

My dad was pretty good as the roles were reversed when he took early retirement and always cooked dinner. However the only dusting he ever did was the tv screen.

[Diflower]

I've seen various degrees of it all.
My dad did always wash up. He also did his own ironing - having learnt in the military police (National Service) he Knew Best

Ex-fil took over all the cooking when he retired (early, aged 58), but he was a bio-chemist so was fascinated by the chemistry of cooking. He made all their bread, beer, wine, biscuits, everything. His wife had grown up having cooks, and had a very few recipes; she could produce meals but never enjoyed it.
She did a good thing and gave her sons (twins) jobs to do for every meal - making the gravy, mashing the potatoes, etc.
Their son, my ex, was brilliant, he and I together were a good team in the kitchen and he was terrific at cleaning up too.

My mum was in hospital for about 8 weeks when I was 13, that was the first time Dad had ever had to cook, so he and I learnt together. The hospital was next door to my school so I would go in after school with a notebook and ask questions
It didn't lead him to cook any more though, until many years later when Mum was ill. He always thought of it as a woman's job.

[meriad]

It's interesting how it was with the various families. My mom worked for a few years before she fell pregnant and then once my sister was born she never went back to work until just after my dad passed away (when I was 17). At that point my elder sister and brother weren't really living at home anymore and it was just two other brothers and I. Due to an insurance 'problem' one of the insurances my dad thought was a life insurance but turned out to be some kind of endowment policy mom had to go to work shortly after dad died; and from there on it was a case of the four of us all pulling our weight. Mom used to be first home so she'd cook, but the boys and I would share the cleaning up afterwards. But there were enough days when mom had something else on the go so one of us kids would cook. We all did our own ironing and kept our bedrooms clean. We had a cleaner that came once a week and we all contributed to that once we started earning a bit of money and she would do the main things like vacuuming, dusting, washing windows etc, but the 'basic' stuff we did ourselves.

The result is that all three of my brothers are able to run a household without breaking into a sweat; in fact I often think that they all do more than their wives do.....

As for me - well I'm single so only have myself to blame for any mess

[Weka]

I agree with you Deb, no one should be a personal slave. put picking up just plain slovenliness though is just not on.

I am a slave to my two, to a degree, but then they are only 2 and 4. but even still, they help me set the table and clear it away after each meal, they wipe the windows down in the morning (with me really doing it ) pj's are put under their pillows by them each morning, I make the beds as that is just beyond them at the moment, but anything else I can think of that they can do, they do. they are at the age where they love it (long may that last ) Olivers a dab hand at loading the washing machine and emptying the dishwasher. Sasha will tidy up all her clothes off the floor when asked too. she's even getting the hang of folding them and even getting them in the right drawers. Shes also in charge of her school bag. putting her lunch box and drink bottle in, and getting them out after kindy, and taking it too and from the car. It's good practise for her to get the hang of it before it really matters when she gets to school.

My mum would leave our towels in a heap, we soon realised when we had our next bath if we had left it in our room. and it would get handed to us cold and damp. yuck. only did that a few times. We were never allowered to open the curtains though, she has a thing about how they hang, nor help out with any meals as she hated cooking so much she didn't want anyone near her. Mum is also a perfectionist when it comes to housework, the toilet seat is removed twice a week to clean it properly. the bath/shower cleaned 3 times a week, (a full scrub, no swish and swipe here), vacuums every day (we had no pets) we use to offer to help, but would always get chased away as we never did it right. any help was accepted reluctantly. Ive worked out mum needs to do stuff for us, as it is her way of saying I love you. She a doing person. I wonder if this is where some of the motivation to do everything came from? But she also made me make my own lunches from 15, wash my own clothes, reheat my own tea once I was working.... ( maybe she was trying to get me to move out????) Mum gave up on my bedroom, it was beyond messy. I just missed the tidy gene i think, but there were other issues.

Mum never really worked. She quit while 10 weeks pregnant with my elder brother, then went back once I was about 14, part time, and only for 5 years. She's never worked since.

Hubby and I agreed while the babies were preschoolers, then chores jobs etc were to be split fairly 50/50. on good days I try and do as much as I can, knowing bad days he ends up doing everything. all give and take. but when Oliver goes to school, then the split will be more towards me, as after all, i've got their school hours free. haha. I'm lucky though, as at the moment there is no pressure on my having to work.

So, in a way I agree with you Saundra, yes, if your not working, and everyone else is or at school, then yes, the lion share of the work should be yours. But Deb, you are completly right, you should never be a personal slave to anybody, you are not doing them any favours at all. Its one thing to cook dinner for them, and its another to have to deal with someone elses leftovers that have been left out to fester. That is not respecting you or the rest of the family members. Same goes with leaving cups in bedrooms. it's not respecting the rest of the family members as what can they use if it's all in your room? stick to your guns. Maybe go for a ride or go to the allotment on Thrusday and Friday? Talk to your parents so they can make lots of "oh my gosh look at the state of this place" statements when they come over on the weekend and you have to order in as there are no dishes to eat off nor to cook with.