Another Load of Cobblers ....

[miasmum]

Yes Ossie with a plate, that is exactly what I was getting at. Maybe next time buy a bean sauce coloured anorak then you needn't miss out

[Ally]

Or maybe take a plate that you could tuck safely into your big Ossie anorak.

[TheOstrich]

The current anorak is green. That cunningly disguises the pesto sauce.

And I don't even LIKE pesto sauce ....

Does ANYONE like pesto sauce?

[miasmum]

me

[TheOstrich]

The Bird has been sulking all week. He cannot understand why the ostriches depicted on Jan’s metal sculpture have been painted pink. He would never be seen in pink. He thinks it’s cissy and that she should ask for her money back.

The Infernal Device on the roof has malfunctioned yet again and apparently now requires a new circulation pump. We are awaiting a quote, and given that it’s a German make, we don’t even know what the availability is. The whole thing is demonstrably a White Elephant, and as we’re paying out far more than we are saving in gas, we’re seriously contemplating de-commissioning the apparatus completely – so much for green energy! Being suckers for punishment, we might have a look at replacing it with a Solar PV array to generate electricity, but that will depend on the installation cost.

To the weekend’s sport, and a second-ever visit to Gipsy Lane, the home of Frome RFC, which is on the north-east edge of the town and by no means the easiest to find. Best accessed from the north end of the Frome Bypass, you turn right and right again into Clink Road as if you’re travelling down past Frome Town FC’s stadium towards the shopping area, but you then need to turn right for a third time (by a huge green BT (?) junction box) into a housing estate and wend your way through that. Arriving at the ground, there’s plenty of on-site parking; in fact there’s 162 spaces. No, I didn’t count them , that number’s according to a fundraising board on the clubhouse wall - £100 donation per space sought to meet resurfacing costs! If they’ve got any money left over, they could jolly well have a crack at resurfacing the potholed Gipsy Lane itself.

The clubhouse itself is a little bit dingy – downstairs, there was one set of rooms cordoned off “Examination in Progress” (might have been something to do with dancing diplomas) and the self-styled Pasta and Chilli Kitchen was deserted when I arrived, although they were serving basic fayre from there at half-time. Upstairs, there are two small bars, one marked “Vice-Presidents and Players Only”, the other presumably for oiks like Ossie , but this was out of bounds for a club lunch, then followed by setting-up for a wedding function, so the members bar was open to all. There is a long first floor balcony accessed from these bars which would give you a good elevated view of the game, but I decamped to the other side of the pitch, from where you can see more easily the electronic scoreboard, with its countdown clock, mounted on the clubhouse wall – more of which anon!

There are 6 rugby pitches laid out on the spacious campus, with pleasant elevated views over the nearby countryside. The main pitch railed on both sides; the adjacent pitch is floodlit. Between these two pitches, there is a small wooden refreshment hut, but that was firmly locked up today and I don’t know if it sees any use. Plus the ubiquitous rickety video-camera scaffold tower you find at most grounds today .

The match pitched 13th vs 4th in a 14 team league, with both sides needing a bonus-points win in this penultimate round of fixtures (and for other results to also go their way). The pitch was ‘orrible, a lot of tussocky grass – I’ve seen better prepared horse paddocks , and in the early stages there were quite a few injury stoppages. Newbury missed out in the 14th minute when they couldn’t capitalise on a charged-down kick that sent the loose ball bobbling behind the home team’s try line, but Frome managed to get to it first and eventually clear. Frome then managed an opening try on 24m – the attempted conversion was skewed well wide – and then promptly shot themselves in the foot with a player yellow-carded for a way too exuberant dive over the top of a ruck. The 14 men managed to hold out until the final play of the first half when Newbury finally broke their resistance down the middle. 5-7 at the interval.

The second half started tetchily with more handbags on display than a Luis Vuitton convention . On 43m one such bout of nonsense resulted in an easy Newbury penalty, but Frome hit back on 50m when Rutt plunged over for Jones to convert. A further Frome try on 53m from Frost, who nearly took it out of bounds before touching down, made it 19-10, before a second Frome player was sin-binned for fisticuffs . I was quite surprised his Newbury opponent wasn’t dismissed with him.

With Newbury encamped within Frome’s 5 yard line for a very long period, we were then treated to a superb interception by Frome’s Benstead who raced 50 yards upfield before launching a wild, speculative chip forward as Newbury closed in on him. This looked to be heading out over the touchline, but it landed just within bounds - and miraculously ricocheted back in-field, where Benstead, following up, caught it cleanly and slipped an inside pass to Sully to run in unopposed. Prime contender for my Try of the Season!

24-10, but Newbury then came right back with a converted try on 67m to set up a nail-biting finish. Could Frome hold out? Down to 14 men yet again with a straight yellow for dissent, and 7 minutes left on the clock. Frome were backs to the wall, Newbury in the ascendancy, and then it was all over, the final whistle blown and a try-bonus victory for Frome. Cue major celebrations!

But ….. there were still clearly 5 minutes left on the game clock.

The referee had previously verbally indicated to the teams there was just one minute left to play, but I was monitoring that game clock throughout the second half and I certainly wasn’t aware of any anomalies in timing, not to the extent of 5 minutes’ play. OK, the referee is the final arbiter, but over the years I’ve seen referees blow up too early , as I’m sure you may have too if you watch sports, so it does just leave me with an interesting question mark over today’s game …….

After a scrappy first half, a game which became a really entertaining match, and if they can win their final fixture at Marlborough, Frome have a decent chance of avoiding relegation.

09/04/22 – South East 1 East (Level 6)
Frome RFC 24 Newbury Blues RFC 17
Admission: free
Programme: none. Not even a 2021/22 year book available, either. Both starting line-ups however were published on each club’s social media.
Refreshments: 2 x small sausages and chips £2.50 from the so-called “Pasta and Chilli Kitchen” which was serving neither pasta nor chilli. Well, there was a huge vat of chilli on the stove, but I was told it was for the players only, after the match.
“However, I could give you some on your chips if it’s hot enough” mused the cook, who proceeded to dip a finger into the mix and stir it!
“No, still only luke-warm ….”
That’s when I settled, with some relief, for the sausages . Good thing I wasn’t a Hygiene Inspector …..
Attendance: 135, including a sizeable, raucous contingent from Newbury.

[Kaz]

Ossie I do love your reports, as you bring to life so much of the eccentricity of life in the South West

Good luck getting the Infernal Device sorted out

BTW what's wrong with Pink Ostriches? Diversity, and all that!

[Ally]

Finger dipped chilli?!

Great read Ossie, many thanks.

[cromwell]

That does sound like an entertaining game Os.
Lucky for you the chili wasn't properly hot! I think I'd have been turning it down anyway.
Great read.

[TheOstrich]

That does sound like an entertaining game Os.
Lucky for you the chili wasn't properly hot! I think I'd have been turning it down anyway.

If he had put that chilli on my chips, Crommers, rest assured they'd have gone straight in the bin once I was outside the door .......

[TheOstrich]

Well, this is one I prepared earlier, my last game before the Covid struck.

Here’s a literary question for you. Do you know of any books or novels where the first line of the narrative is exactly the same as the last line?

There is one such book, and it’s “The Outsiders” by S.E. Hinton.

First published in 1967, set in contemporary Tulsa, Oklahoma, it’s about two gangs called “Greasers” and “Socs” and the relationships within them. Pretty controversial at the time, it is still currently challenged and debated, and according to Wiki, it was ranked 38th on the American Library Association’s Top 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books of 1990–1999. The book has actually been banned from some American schools and libraries because of the portrayal of gang violence, underage smoking and drinking, strong language and family dysfunction, but in many schools, the book has become part of the English curriculum at the middle or high school level.

And that first and last line?

"When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home..."

Which, in a way, brings us full circle to this final report of the 2021/22 soccer season, as I have ended it at exactly the same ground I began it. A re-visit to Street FC for “A Final Load of Cobblers”!

And if you think I’m being disrespectful to the locals, I would point out that the matchday programme is entitled “Let’s Talk Cobblers” …..

So, the usual warm welcome at The Tannery Ground; this is consistently one of the friendliest clubs on my (albeit limited) circuit. No changes to the stadium since I last visited for the pre-season friendly against Goytre United back last July. Everywhere looks clean, fresh and well-tended, a huge credit to Street’s volunteers. Neither Mrs O nor myself were displaying any Covid symptoms at the time, but nevertheless I took up residence well away from the crowd, by the elderly stand at the far side of the pitch from the entrance, the corrugated roof of which thrummed and banged alarmingly in the gusty winds throughout the game.

Final game of the season for Street, after a topsy-turvy round of Easter games, and they emerged needing a win to be sure of avoiding relegation - everything to play for . Millbrook, from Plymouth and mid-table, brought a coach along with a goodly contingent of fans.

A frantic first 20 minutes with both teams happy to hoof the ball forward and hare after it. Street looked just about the better of the two sides and got their reward on 23m. Skiverton put a tantalizing cross over to the far post, but it was intercepted and headed behind before any Street player could capitalise on it. From the corner, Corbridge, who had craftily positioned himself behind the pack, had the simplest of tasks to head home the opening goal. Quite what happened next is a shade unclear but before the restart, Millbrook’s Payne was yellow-carded, presumably for something he said to the referee, and seconds later given a straight red, again presumably for compounding his original offence . So the Cobblers were a goal up and Millbrook down to 10 men. The rest of the half was somewhat subdued.

Street needed a second goal as a cushion and it came on 52m when Dickens picked up a long cross over the top of the defence to the left wing, cut inside, and when his initial shot was spilled by Millbrook’s keeper Wearing, Dickens was able to recover the ball and tap it home. Play was still fast-paced with both sides creating chances but Street were now noticeably leaning more towards the defensive.

With 4 minutes to go, you’d have expected Street to be home and dry, but no, time for a last bit of drama! A long ball was punted forward towards the Cobblers’ goal, their keeper Norris mistimed his advance to the edge of the area, panicked, and only succeeding in bringing down the Millbrook attacker racing in behind it. Straight red for the keeper, (after a lengthy consultation between referee and linesman), and as the defensive wall was forming up for the free kick on the edge of the area, Street’s Strange must have commented darkly about something or other to the referee - and was promptly sin-binned for his trouble! So Street were now down to 9 men against 10, with striker Foster taking over the purple jersey. To the home crowd’s relief, he free kick was hammered high and wide.

And amazingly, a minute later, Peach chased a long ball through Millbrook’s defence, got a sublime touch to the ball, and pushed it past Wearing for Street’s third. Foster then excelled himself between the sticks at the other end, amusingly catching a bouncing ball, contemplating it for a few seconds, and then deciding to theatrically fall over. He was perhaps a tad lucky he didn’t get done for time-wasting, as the referee was still happily dishing out yellow cards at that point.

So at the end, 3-0 to Street, relegation avoided, and certainly one of the most entertaining matches I’ve seen this season.

23/04/22 – Western League Premier Division (Step 5)
Street 3 Millbrook 0
Admission: £4 concession
Programme: £1.50. An excellent 44pp basic programme inside a plastic cover + a further 22pp of loose inserted articles + a complimentary copy of this morning’s SW Counties U18 Cup Final programme between Bridgwater Utd and Torquay Utd., a further 28pp! All this masterminded by Programme Producer Extraordinaire Roger Palmer, who in these days when programmes are increasingly going digital, id determined to buck the trend.
Refreshments: cheese, chilli and chips £5.
Attendance: 139

Right, as that well known wabbit would say "That's All, Folks!"