It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

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Re: It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

Postby TheOstrich » 19 Jan 2019, 21:14

19/01 – today’s sporting venture was yet another game affected by the weather – or rather, the weather forecast ….. :evil: I do have my suspicions about the accuracy of the BBC Weather App, which provides short term, medium term, and long range forecasts.

The long range forecast, in my experience, is always depicted by a dark cloud. In other words, no sun, no rain, no weather at all really, just plain dull. All terribly British, and it doesn’t matter if you’re looking as fortnight, a month, or a year ahead – it’s just going to be dull. :) The medium range forecast is the one where they start guessing at what the weather is going to be, probably using pine cones or seaweed or onion skins or cow’s backsides or similar. * :lol: Now that’s all very well, but any resemblance to what the weather’s really going to be like is purely coincidental. :P The short range weather forecast is much more accurate, and seemingly goes something like this:

“Jim, look outta the window, what’s it doin’?”
“Bloody bucketing it down!”
“Right, we’ll make it Heavy Rain with 100% Chance of Precipitation, then …. ” :geek:

The trouble is, halfway through the week, Ossie looks at the medium range forecast and then his footie fixtures, and picks a match. So a couple of days back, with Sunshine and Scattered Showers, and a 30% Chance of Precipitation as the medium range forecast for Saturday – and crucially no rail strikes (the RMT union and South Western Railway are still hurling social media invective at each other :evil: , but the former have not yet announced their next round of industrial inaction) – Ossie plumped for a trip to Woking to watch Sheerwater take on top-of-the-table Frimley Green in a Combined Counties League game. 8-) And Friday, that was still the plan, although the medium range forecast had morphed into Occasional Light Drizzle and a 54% Chance of Precipitation. :| And even that slightly less favourable forecast then turned out to be fantasy ……

On Saturday morning, the Ostrich awoke to bucketing rain! :shock: And lo and behold, the short range forecast , according to the App, was duly reported as 100% Chance of Precipitation. :lol: And given the next two hours’ weather was down as a 99% Chance of Precipitation followed by a 98% Chance of Precipitation, no way was the bird going to walk down to the station without being drowned! So a major rethink of the day’s sporting entertainment was necessary and the bird eventually opted for a shortish car trip to the self-styled Special Effect Stadium 8-) to see Frome Town host the Metropolitan Police in a Southern League match.

Now the Metropolitan Police, you may recall, were one of a small bunch of London-based, formerly Isthmian League teams, who were summarily instructed by the FA last summer to ply their trade this season in the Southern League’s South-Western division, and promptly shrieked about it.

“We’ve got to go WHERE? Merthyr Tydfil? :o We haven’t been there since the Miners’ Strike! Get yer truncheons out, lads …. :twisted:

But all their protesting did them no good, into the South West they were dumped, and actually, they’ve made a very good fist of it! They’re currently second in the league, chasing Taunton Town, and they did indeed look a very good side today. Frome Town in contrast are second from bottom; they’ve only avoided relegation narrowly in the last two seasons. This was my third game at their ground since moving into the area; the first, on Boxing Day 2016 versus Basingstoke, was dreadful and the second, last April against Farnborough, was an extremely temperamental affair, the referee all but losing control of it. Happily, today’s game was much better entertainment.

Frome’s gargantuan clubhouse rises up the slope behind one goal, and the terracing is separated from it by a lengthy white brick wall, around 5 feet in height. Some bright spark however, since I last visited the place, has allowed this to be used as a “graffiti wall” :) and it’s now decked out in garish ‘tags’, including “The Robins” and “Frome Town FC” and “#BA11” signs (the latter refers, I think, to the local independent radio station) – and it looks awful! :? But then I’m older generation and no Banksy. Still, there are a number of cartoon robins, including one appearing very much down in the mouth and shrugging its wings, the look most goalkeepers have when the defence have blundered yet again and he’s just conceded the third goal. Actually, for Frome Town, it’s probably pretty apt ….. :lol:

A fast-paced, end-to-end game in the first half looked like it was going to remain goalless until the Mother of all Goalmouth Scrambles in the Frome area concluded in the 44th minute with Oliver Robinson poking the ball over the line :lol: – hard luck on the home side’s debutant keeper who had blocked at least two attempts in the melee.

The Police extended their lead early in the second half when a superb ball in from the left beat the keeper, and flew across the box to the far post, where a defender and an attacker collided trying to get at it. The referee had no hesitation in awarding a penalty (it looked like he signalled hand-ball), and Jack Mazzone converted from the spot. Frome looked increasingly weary, but a triple substitution on 63m gave them fresh impetus, and for a time it looked as if they might get back into the game. However they always looked susceptible to conceding a break-away third goal, and Max Blackmore duly completed the scoring a few minutes before the end.

I'm going to say it before Crommers dpoes - a classic smash 'n grab raid by the Police! :mrgreen:

Evostik League South Premier South (Level 3): Frome Town 0 Metropolitan Police 3
Admission: £8.50 (oldie concession). Raffle £1.
Programme: overpriced at £2 (uber-glossy and with very little content)
Refreshments: as I had some time to kill, I stopped off at the Somerset Arms in Maiden Bradley pre-game for a delicious bowl of wild mushroom soup, served with two warmed crusty rolls and lashings of butter for £4.50. <Sigh> To die for ….. 8-) Fayre partaken at the ground was a Pukka Pie, (the one in the black foil wrapping which is usually a nod to steak), and a cuppa coffee for £3.60
Attendance: 174

* “Onion skins very thin, mild winter coming in;
Onion skins thick and tough, coming winter cold and rough.”

“A cow with its tail to the West makes the weather best,
A cow with its tail to the East makes the weather least.”
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Re: It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

Postby Ally » 20 Jan 2019, 09:17

:lol: :lol: at BBC weather. :lol:

During our summer months our weather reporters (either stunningly beautiful women or stupidly handsome men :lol: ) can, and indeed do, spend 20 minutes telling us how hot it is. We know how hot it is as we're lying panting on the floor watching the stupid weather reporters! :lol: :lol:

Great report Ossie.

Love the sound of that soup. I make a lovely mushroom soup but it's just with bog standard mushrooms...might be more adventurous and try making it with wild ones. :P :cute:
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Re: It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

Postby Kaz » 20 Jan 2019, 13:29

Careful Ally! "There are old mushroom hunters, and bold mushroom hunters, but no old, bold mushroom hunters!" :shock: :? :lol: I love mushrooms, that soup sounds good 8-) 8-) I

Another great read Ossie! I think you should get your spray can out, and add an Ostrich to those cartoon robins ;) :mrgreen: :lol: :lol:
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Re: It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

Postby JoM » 20 Jan 2019, 14:24

Ossie, quite often here the BBC Midlands weather report is different to BBC WM's forecast and looking at the BBC app tells yet another story! :lol:
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Re: It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

Postby cromwell » 22 Jan 2019, 09:15

Sounds like a good match Os. I'm not surprised that the Met moaned about going into the south west league, they must spend a lot of time traveling to matches.

The weather forecast that always used to baffle me was "Rain, followed by showers"??

Great read as always.
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Re: It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

Postby TheOstrich » 26 Jan 2019, 22:12

26/01 – after last week’s erudite discourse on weather Apps, Professor Ostrich will today turn his attention to an in-depth examination of Self Service Check-Out Machines. :ugeek: :mrgreen:

It is fair to say that there are three main types. Firstly, there are the ones that argue with you. Like Tescos. Have you placed your bag in the bagging area, if not, why not. If you have placed your bag in the bagging area, take it off and put it back on again. Many times. What do you mean, you haven’t got a Clubcard? :evil: Do you want to buy a bag or not. It’s like a particularly perverse police interrogation, and I always leave the store somewhat frazzled ….

Secondly, there are the ones that rook you. Like WH Smiths.
“It’s not given me the right change!” :evil:
Yeah, it keeps on doing that. How much are you short?”
“1p” :D
“Well here’s one from the till”
And the last time it went, it tried to charge me £13.49 for a book that clearly had £8.99 on the cover. OK, it did say “today you have saved £4.50”, but it still seemingly wanted to charge me £13.49. Hmmm, I thought, I’m not committing a £10 note to this thing in the expectation of £1.01 change, because if I do, it might well start demanding an extra £3.49! I abandoned the transaction and went to the till where I happily paid the lesser amount. The machine was plaintively bleating “do you still want to continue this transaction?” at me as I left the store. :roll:

And thirdly, there’s the Co-op. When they are actually working (itself a miracle), they are pure Arkwrights Till, straight out of Open All Hours. :lol: Believe me, you insert a note at the grave peril of losing your fingers as the machine’s jaws snatches it from you! Best take the right change …

And there we must leave Professor Ostrich at his podium, and slope quietly out of the Lecture Room, before he declares himself a University, and starts charging us £9000 for tuition fees ….. :P

A conundrum today with the weather forecast predicting a band of rain sweeping from west to east. I’d fancied a rail trip into Devon, and looked carefully at fixtures in Newton Abbot, Teignmouth and Exmouth before plumping for the latter, as the weather app seemed to indicate that the rain would pass through whilst the match was in progress – and so it proved!

An early departure was needed on the 10:17 as this was a 2:15 kick off, so Ossie hared off to the station, only to have to hare back to the nest again as half way there, he found he’d forgotten to leave Mrs O the car keys! :roll: There must have been Karma at play over this sin of omission, as on his second trip down to the station, this time at a gallop, the bird briefly stopped to help a Waitrose delivery lady chase an errant plastic bag which had blown out of her van, and managed to pin it to a neighbouring thorn bush. Unfortunately, Ossie also managed to pin himself to the thorn bush, finishing up with a punctured thumb! :)

Arrival at the station was made in good time, one of the bird’s Delay Repay vouchers arising from the Barnes RFC fiasco earlier in the season being duly cashed in making the cost of today’s rail trip under a tenner, and all proceeded smoothly to Exeter Central where a change of train was required. There were so many folk disembarking there (it’s ideal for the shops) that there were queues up the steps to the overbridge and it took Ossie about 5 minutes to transfer to the eastbound platform. The connection was nevertheless made, but the Ostrich was slightly alarmed when the Train Display Indicator started declaring that the 11:53 to Exmouth was on time but “is reported as being full and standing”! :shock: Thankfully, when it arrived, just about everybody on board disembarked from it, and I should imagine the shops on Exeter High Street had a pretty good day today!

Arrival at Exmouth, and Ossie had a pressing engagement! Our bird was not off to the soccer ground but to Krispies! :D That’s right, Krispies – just voted the 2019 Winners of the National Fish and Chip Shop of the Year! 8-) :lol:
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/foo ... p-shop-uk/

It’s in the main street running north from the town centre, and when I got there, it was positively heaving! One guy taking orders and cash, and issuing ticket numbers, three servers making up the orders and calling the numbers out, and at least two chefs behind the fish fryers. Actually, all very efficient, although I did have a short wait as they’d run out of Large Cod. A large cup bedecked in ribbons was on display over the Chicken Nuggets, and I had a pleasant exchange with the lady pictured in the link, who I presume was Mrs Kelly Barnes and served Ossie with his takeaway. The bird then repaired to a quiet bench up by the soccer ground to partake of his feast, and very nice it was too! Very much like the traditional fish and chips I recall you used to get back in the 1960’s when Ossie was a fledgling – chunky (but not too chunky) chips, lightly fried so the inner potato was soft and tasty, and a large portion of crispy, lightly battered cod. Well recommended if you’re ever in the area. :D

I took a stroll down the Exe Estuary Trail, which would have been slightly more interesting if you could actually see the estuary, before returning to Exmouth Town’s Southern Road ground for the game. It’s an attractive venue, with the pitch surrounded by a breeze-block and cement wall rather than railings, and a collection of rather eccentric outbuildings and stands of varying age and description. The Club apologised for the lack of hot food as they were in the process of gutting and re-equipping the existing kitchen, but hot drinks were available. Accessing the clubhouse, I noticed a tambourine hanging from a hook by the entrance. :? Next to it was a Health and Safety notice that said “Fire Precautions – in the event of a fire, shake the tambourine placed by each door” to sound the alarm and evacuate the building! :lol:

Exmouth are having a good season, currently third, but have a little bit of ground to make up on second-placed Tavistock. In contrast, North Cornish team Launceston are second from bottom, although they do have a few games in hand over the other teams nearby.

The home side appeared not to have been the happiest of bunnies at conceding a last minute goal in the 1-1 draw against St Austell last week, so they set off today looking as if they had a point to prove. They were ahead on 6m when Jordan Harris looped a header over the keeper, and spent the next 15 minutes snapping like terriers at their opponents. Launceston did give them a slight fright, rattling the crossbar from a direct free kick on 24m, but it was it was a mild surprise that Exmouth didn’t increase their lead before half-time. After the interval, however, two identical goals, scored on 48m and 55m by their centre forward (with the somewhat amazing name of Ace High – whatever were Mr and Mrs High thinking! :lol: ), both free headers from corner kicks, put the game out of Launceston’s reach, and Dan Bore converted a right wing cross which the keeper failed to cut out on 83m to complete the rout.

The rain had started spitting down in the first half, but then the wind picked up and we had about 20 minutes of monsoon conditions before a band of blue shy appeared in the west, the clouds cleared and the sun came out for the last 10 minutes. Unfortunately, we in the stand finished up looking right into the setting sun, and I thought given the conditions, there must be a vivid rainbow on view behind us. Indeed there was – you can see a pic on Exmouth’s Twitter feed below:
https://twitter.com/ExmouthTown_FC
You can also see the Ostrich slumped in the middle of the stand ….. it had bucket seats that were more bucket than seat, so it was a somewhat laid-back bird! :D

South West Peninsula League Premier Division (Level 6): Exmouth Town 4 Launceston 0
Admission: £4 (oldie concession).
Programme: £1.50 (16pp glossy, a little basic but adequate enough)
Refreshments: Krispies – Large cod, lemon slice, regular traditional chips, salt and pepper: £8.70, and at Exeter St. Davids station on my return, a cup of something from Starbucks that was not filter coffee as per my request because it was “off”, but what I actually got, I‘m not entirely sure :? : £1.95.
Attendance: around 100
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Re: It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

Postby Ally » 27 Jan 2019, 08:08

Ace High!! :o :lol: :lol: :lol:

I had to google Krispies. Looks great! :D :D

Self Service Check-Out machines. I used one of these in Asda in Chelmsley Wood when i was with Jackie. I was getting into a right tiddle when 'the voice' started asking if I had a clubcard, a bag, was I sure I'd finished? Jackie found it hilarious. :? :lol:

I think it's safe to say hell will freeze over before these machines make an appearance in Spain. It's a national given that the check out staff need to chat, at great length, with each and every customer. It goes with the national obsession of the Spanish love of talking. :lol: :lol:

Great read Ossie. :D :D :D
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Re: It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

Postby cromwell » 27 Jan 2019, 09:41

"That’s right, Krispies – just voted the 2019 Winners of the National Fish and Chip Shop of the Year! 8-) :lol:"

What an amazing coincidence Os! The best fish shop just happening to be where you were going!

I do admire your staying power, going to these matches. Great read, again.
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Re: It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

Postby Kaz » 27 Jan 2019, 13:53

Morrison's is the best "Surprising item in the bagging area!" :shock: :? :P :lol:
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Re: It's Murder, On The Orient Express ....

Postby TheOstrich » 28 Jan 2019, 19:04

What an amazing coincidence Os! The best fish shop just happening to be where you were going!


Hur-hur-hur ….. :twisted:

But Karma followed swiftly. The fat bird was weighed Sunday morning, 3 lbs had been gained, obesity was then formally declared by Mrs O and emergency measures of nothing other than soup imposed for the foreseeable future …. :o :( :( :( :lol:
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