Four Weddings and a Penalty Shootout

[Ally]

[cromwell]

Curtains on track ...... the door's over there - >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I'll get me coat!

[TheOstrich]

10/02 – Interestingly, following last week’s US Portsmouth game, I was emailed again for permission to publish an extract from my write-up in the Wessex League’s weekly online newsletter, which I duly granted. However, when I got around to reading said newsletter, I was very intrigued to find that another contributor had reported on that abandoned Shaftesbury game – and in doing so, he’d used a number of distinctive phrases that I’d used in my report .....

Now I’m not going to start shouting plagiarism or anything because it’s not worth worrying about; life’s too short and nobody died , but nevertheless, I think I’m going to have to keep an eye on the situation. One lesson I am going to take from this is to be relentlessly positive when commenting on Wessex League games, if there is a danger that they’re going to be picked up and published on-line, with or without my express permission ….... I’m not a trained reporter and inevitably I may not always be completely accurate in things like identifying goal-scorers. And Ossie does not want to be accused of peddling fake news!

So that brings us to today’s game in the Wessex League Premier Division, which was, of course, superb, excellent, splendiferous …. well actually, it wasn’t bad at all!

With Plans A and B – both rugby union – disappearing on Friday, thanks to the imposition of rail replacement bus services (it would have taken me nearly 4 hours to get to Esher RFC) and Tadley RFC deciding to forfeit their Cup game against Dorchester, I decided in the light of yet another lousy weather forecast to play it safe, and that, down here in Dorset, means the 3G at the County Ground, Hamworthy.

Since my last visit back in August, they’ve made good progress with the extension to the clubhouse, which will double its size and provide upgraded catering facilities, and they hope it will be completed within a couple of months or so. I gather they’ve already had an encouraging number of enquiries for bookings for the new conference/entertainment room, which will be called the Stan Wallis Suite. He was apparently the club’s former Life President, who died, aged 95, a couple of years back.

Hamworthy’s opponents today were Team Solent, whom, I gather, are something to do with Southampton Solent University, one of the “new” universities which was previously the Southampton Institute of Higher Education. Famous alumni include Ricky Whittle, of Hollyoaks and Strictly Come Dancing fame (he was runner up to Chris Hollins in 2009). The team certainly seemed both young and fit!

As for the match, it was a quite extraordinary game played in relentless drizzle. As early as the second minute, the Hammers’ Steve Smith managed to intercept an attempted clearance by the away keeper, but both he and the keeper were momentarily disorientated by a crazy bounce, and in the end he couldn’t convert the ensuing chance. He was, however, on the scoresheet after 8m when Solent’s keeper Collins failed to gather a cross he’d called for, and Smith netted from close range in the ensuing melee. Five minutes later, Hamworthy’s Watts cannoned a long range attempt off the bar – but then the tide firmly turned in Solent’s favour and they were 1-3 up at the interval as the home defence floundered under pressure, and Olumuyiwa, Thorn and Obeng found the back of the net.

Solent increased their lead on 52m when Obeng’s meticulously flighted ball cleared the keeper before dipping under the bar, and at 1-4, I don’t think anyone would have predicted a home win. But Solent, who had been playing with both verve and skill, strangely went off the boil. Smith got a touch on the ball on 52m, wrong-footing the keeper, completed his hat-trick on 70m at the far post, and then Cann swept home a superb cross from the right to make it 4-4. Anyone’s game, but Hamworthy won it on 81m when Clarke was dumped on his backside in the penalty area and Walker made no mistake from the penalty spot. A complete turn-around, and Team Solent will be wondering how they let this match get away from them. In any event, a very entertaining game to which both teams fully contributed today.

Sydenhams Wessex League Premier (step 5): Hamworthy United 5 Team Solent 4
Admission: £3, programme: £1, refreshments: cuppa-soup and jumbo sausage roll £3.50, attendance: 53.

[Ally]

Bluddy cheek!

Great report Ossie....except now I want a sausage roll!

[cromwell]

Great report Os. It is somewhat cheeky using your stuff under someone else's name.

Sounds like a great game!The goals are like buses - none for ages in 0-0 draws and then nine turn up at once!

[Kaz]

Yes, definitely keep an eye on that Ossie Another great read xxx

[TheOstrich]

17/02 – Three matches were on the agenda this last week – first up on Tuesday was a Football League Division 2 encounter between Yeovil Town and Barnet. I wouldn’t normally attend FL2 games but the rationale here was that Barnet are likely to be relegated at the end of the season and finish up in the top flight of the Non-League Pyramid, so I would be knocking them off in advance. Against this, though, I had to set a 58 mile round trip, £2 for parking, something like £20 for admission even though I classify as an old codger, wildly overpriced food and drink, queuing to get out of the car park at the end of a cold night rattling around in their half-empty stands – and it was, of course, the start of a new season of “Shetland” with Douglas Henshall on the telly. No contest; “Shetland” won the day!

Wednesday, Valentine’s Day, saw the Ostrich treat Mrs O to a festive cooked breakfast at the local garden centre. The café is bright and spacious – but the acoustics are terrible. At one point, I happened to mention that today was the start of National Nest Box Week, aimed at trying to get the population to install the said bird residences. Mrs O glared at me and set off on a long unintelligible rant about politicians! When I managed to get a word in, I said:
“… but what have you got against the birdies?”
“What do you mean, birdies?”
“Well, I said it was National Nest Box Week.”
“Nest Box? Nest Box?? I thought you said it was International Despot Week!!”

At which point, to get over the auditory problems, Mrs O reverted to using British Sign Language (of which she is a trained teacher), much to the amazed fascination of a 12 year old girl on an adjoining table who nearly fell off her seat whilst craning to look at all the wild, expansive finger-spelling ….

Anyway, all finished well, despite a certain amount of bickering over crocuses (I like yellow and purple; Mrs O advocates only white), and to conclude, as a fond Valentine’s Day gift, I purchased her a replacement set of oven gloves.

Friday night saw Ossie set off for the Wincanton Sports Ground; this game, with the agreement of Roman Glass St George, having been brought forward from Saturday at short notice to allow Wincanton Town FC officials and supporters to attend the funeral of their late Club President, Tony Barker at Yeovil Crematorium.

Roman Glass St George FC are in fact the oldest club in Bristol, dating from 1882 (or 1872, depending on your source). They played as Bristol St George until 1995 when they merged with a junior club called Roman Glass, hence the current name. Now Roman Glass is a big double-glazing unit firm in the south-west (I often see their vans floating about in this area) and I guess that is where the name comes from. I assume the firm are the sponsors, but the football club doesn’t seem to have a website, so I can’t confirm that.

The crowd tonight was interestingly about 30-40 higher than normal and I think RGSG brought a minibus of supporters, as their team is well in contention for promotion. Now down here in the Vale, sub-soil, we are on Kimmeridge Clay, and it simply doesn’t drain. Our back garden is the same - completely sodden with all this rain. The pitch at Wincanton was very wet, a morass in places, especially along the goal-line at the entrance end, and it cut up quite badly during the game. Turning on the surface was a lottery, and the conditions certainly hindered play; I suspect we’d have seen more goals on a drier and less bumpy pitch.

RGSG started at a fast pace, displaying both trickery and skill, and took the lead on 8m although that was through a defensive mistake as a cross that could have been wasn’t cut out allowing an attacker free rein to volley in. Wincanton had more territorial possession in the second half but RGSG made the game effectively safe on 59m with a goal squeezed in from an acute angle.

A reasonable match, and 0-2 to the visitors a fair result, but a bit too cold out there on the night to be totally enjoyable. A strong cup of tea and a jam doughnut were enjoyed at half-time …..

Saturday morning saw Ossie bouncing up and down, shrieking “An Gwary Ha Tra Nahen!” Not Latin, or Estonian, or even Klingon – but Cornish! That’s the motto of Camborne RFC and it translates as “The Game, and Nothing But!” Today’s fixture saw a lengthy round trip to hosts Cleve RFC, who play at the Hayfields, Mangotsfield, north-east Bristol. For Ossie, a long overland journey via Frome, Radstock and Keynsham, which was accomplished in around an hour and a half, and having parked in the club’s spacious grounds, I had time to wander back into the town to see if I could find a takeaway or something. Well, the only one of the main street seemed to have half its windows smashed and the rest boarded up, so obviously not a particularly salubrious area. I opted for a pint of milk and a pack of five Peperamis for £1.87 at the Tesco Express next door.

There’s a wooden pay-station next to the gates as you walk up to the pitch, and asking for a programme there, I was handed a folded A4 sheet by the teenager manning the hut; this contained the two teams in the middle, a pen-pic of the referee on the first page, and the back page completely blank. This was a suspiciously lightweight publication for a club at Level 5 in rugby union, so I thought I’d hang around the entrance until the teen had been joined by 3 other club officials. I enquired again.

“We don’t give them out – they’re sacred!”
“Pardon?”
“Oh give him one, he has asked …..”
(Grudgingly) “Well alright - but I’m not supposed to.”
(Produces 32pp glossy programme from a box at the back of the counter)
“Do you want anything for it?”
“Have you come up from Camborne?”
“No, Dorset.”
“Humph. Well you can have it for free then.”

What was all that about?

Cleve RFC started in 1922 and initially played in Staple Hill, then Fishponds before being evicted from the latter in 1939 (the land was requisitioned for housing) and moving to Downend. Further land was bought in 1947 and this was used for farming by club members to provide a source of income, inspiring the club motto “We sow to reap”. In 1997, the club moved once again, this time to the Hayfields and have developed 4 pitches and a headquarters there.

The clubhouse is a long, low-raked affair down the length of the first team pitch touchline. The section housing the changing rooms is fronted by a raised terrace, with a perspex covering that I don’t think would give a lot of shelter on a rainy / windy day. The clubhouse comprises a central bar and a number of side and committee rooms off, one of which was hosting a member’s lunch, but seemingly there were only around 10 takers, sat at a single lonely trestle table. Numerous honours boards were on display on the walls, as were some early photographs depicting the removal of the wooden pavilion from Fishponds to Downend. It had originally cost £200 and they weren’t going to leave it behind!

The floodlit main pitch is railed (a substantial plastic construction) and three sides are adorned with advertising boards. To complete the pitch-side furniture, there’s a manual scoreboard and two of the smallest dugouts I’ve seen for a long time. You could just about seat two in each of them at a pinch.

There was not a lot at stake in this match, both teams fairly comfortably mid-table, but with Camborne perhaps needing the points more to keep clear of the relegation battle. They opened the scoring with an easy penalty on 2m, but Cleve quickly responded with a short range try from No.8 Mike Uren. The scoreboard steadily accumulated points, Camborne scoring three tries against some pretty inept Cleve tackling, whilst the home side kept pace with a 50 yard sprint by Kislingbury, who just made it to the line in advance of a defender. 17-25 at half time.

It was more a game of attrition after the break with Cleve pounding the away line, but being frustrated by handling errors at crucial moments. They clawed the score back to 23-25 but against the run of play, Camborne notched a crucial converted 4th try on 71m. Although Cleve managed a converted try of their own deep in stoppage time, Camborne clung on for a just about deserved win.

Second half highlights included the Ostrich being attacked by a low-flying marauding flock of sea-gulls which were after his tray of chips – it’s quite disconcerting when they hover about 4 feet in front of you but, together with several neighbouring spectators, we were able to bat them away. Oh, and two blue hot air balloons drifted across the horizon on a bright, sunny afternoon …..

South West Premier (formerly National 3 South West) (Level 5)
Cleve RUFC 30 Camborne RUFC 32
Admission: £3 (concession)
Refreshments: from the clubhouse, tray of chips £2. Not a huge range of food on offer and no draft beer available in the bar today, to the disgruntlement of the locals.
Attendance: 133

[Ally]

Funny you mention Douglas Henshall Ossie....I've never been a fan of his. Too one dimensional for my liking...and he mumbles. A true Scot never mumbles!

I burst out laughing re Nest Box!

Honestly Ossie....without fail I go out on a Saturday early doors/evening/night but as soon as I get home I come on here to read your weekly report! I love 'em!

Thank you for the time and effort you put into writing them xx

[TheOstrich]

Thank you kindly, Ally .....

Actually, knowing I have to write a report, both for here and the non-league forum I frequent, does sharpen the observational mind when out on these jaunts - and I've always had a sense of the absurd - as Ossie will readily tell you!

I know what you mean about Doug Henshall - but both Mrs O and I enjoy the "Shetland" series - based on Ann Cleeves characters, of course, (as is "Vera"), and we've got a couple of her books waiting to be read at the moment!

[Ally]

Funny how actors can bring to life (or not!) characters from books.

Don absolutely hates Vera....I love it!

It's not Brenda Blethyn he objects to. It's her miserable demeanor he has issues with.