Sometimes I wondered who I wronged....

[Lozzles]

Well I'm sorry that Mrs S wasn't too concerned about you breaking down. I find that quite sad
I'm also sorry that you feel some people have perhaps treated you a little unfairly in this thread. I think it is just that we are concerned.
You are a valued member here on VV and hope you will continue to post. It would be nice though if you could perhaps have a look around and see that other posters are having a hard time too and some support and sympathy for them would be nice as we hope we give to you.
Take care Suff x

[Weka]

I have to admit that I am a bit saddened and upset by some of the comments on this post. I think some are a bit uncalled for, and others needed to be said, but a nicer way would have been better.

Working in IT is extremely hard at times with no reward. Something that people who have never worked in that industry will not understand. I'm sure other industries are like that also, but I don't know many that expect you to be on call 24/7 x 365 ready to fix things at a drop of a hat even if it is 3am on a public holiday, and then do a full day with overtime at the other end. perhaps, that was just my experience, but it burnt me out twice within 15 years. I am pleased I have left the industry and at present have no desire to return. Mostly for all the sh!t kicking you get from other departments.

I understand where Suff is coming from. I too am so busy I barely have time to come on here, but when I do, I know it is to friends I talk. I physically cant keep up with all the posts on here, and I have pages and pages of posts I just haven't managed to get to read. by night time I'm so tired I can barely focus. like now. I read more than I'm able to post to. I'm sure there are other members here that don't post much or at all but read often, yetI see them welcomed when they do post.

you can't like everybody all the the time, but that is what makes the world an interesting place.

Suff, I'm sorry to hear Mrs Suff isn't able to support you more by offering a more relaxed time on your weekend. Everyone needs to recharge. Could you perhaps be experiencing adrenal fatigue? I'm pleased to hear that your heart is ok and I hope they are able to work out what causes the over reaction to the adenosine. I do wonder if stress is somehow largely to play, it can manifest itself in a variety of fashions. From my recall, you have had a serious of stressful jobs requiring a large amount of travel and time constraints over the last couple of years. Did you also have these problems while you were without work some years back?

[saundra]

thankyou for posting suff
its a shame your wife can not give you any support
and make your weekends more pleasent
you must wonder at times why you choose to live like you do
full of stress with no relaxing holidays or breaks
i hope your health improves

[Ally]

I wasn't going to post on this thread but will now.

I don't really know that much about you Suff except that you seem to work very long and hard hours and do a lot of travelling.

I find the comments from your wife a little sad myself..if that had been either Don or myself in that situation we would have been worried about the other and shown sympathy to each other.

I don't mind that you don't have much to do with the others on here, as you seem to come on sporadically, leave long posts and go off again.
But that's your prerogative.

I have found VV to be full of lovely people who genuinely care about me (and everyone else) who've been 'there' for me when I've needed them for advice or just a rant.

All I will say Suff is..you only get one shot at this life..make the most of it and try and enjoy more time with your precious family.

You're a long time dead. xx

[pederito1]

Ho Suff, I do hope mine was not one of the posts you took exception to, I am sorry if so, it was in jest mostly but I do seriously think hearts and cam belts are not two of the things in life one should treat with careless abandon since both are so vital in different ways. I always follow the makers advice on the latter and have changed belts on previous cars at regular intervals and never had one break. Now however my present one is too difficult and will have to leave it to experts also bending over an engine for a long time is not quite what it used to be. I, too have worked on and rebuilt engines and driven many thousands of miles and encountered many breakdowns in others including belt failure with disastrous consequence to their engines.
So, I for one welcome your posts which are always interesting and I try to sympathise with your troubles and appreciate your excellent expert advice so willingly given in spite of what must be very little spare time.

[shazsha]

I'm shocked at some of the replies given here to Suff's posts. Why does it matter what parts of the site he posts on or whether he has posted as many times as others? A quick check enlightened me to the fact that Suff has posted five times more to this site than I have-does that mean if I have health concerns I shouldn't mention them because I am of lesser value to the boards?
Imo if any of us have health concerns and want to share these then we should be able to without lectures on how often we post and what boards we post to. And we shouldn't have our illnesses and our reactions to them compared with others.
I am lucky that I am home most of the time and surrounded by friends and family. However, if like Suff, I was travelling most of the time and spending weeks away from home, then I'm sure I would feel quite alone at times and would find message boards invaluable. And let's not kid ourselves-a lot of times it is so much easier to share our thoughts on forums like this rather than in RL-we have a certain amount of anonymity that lets us open up and share our inner thoughts/feelings/etc. in an easier manner.
Suff has helped a lot of us enormously with our PCs and has selflessly gone out of his way to help me(and I'm sure others). I know he wouldn't like me to mention it but he very kindly gave me a legit Windows ISO for my nephew's laptop( and indirectly made him very happy!) and saved me quite a few pounds! He posts a lot on the News board and contributes with well thought out, informative posts ( i know his politics are lousy but, hey, we can't all be perfect).
I'm not getting at the posters who were negative in their replies-I do understand that sometimes we have a lot of crap in our own lives and we don't seriously rate others problems, but I feel that Suff's worries are very real to him and it doesn't cost us anything to answer helpfully or not at all.
And I do know that at times( err, maybe quite often) I have been nasty on posts to people but I feel VV has a special, friendly vibe to it and we should be trying to keep that.
<scurrying off before someone tells me that my less that 200 post count doesn't entitle me to share my thoughts>

[Diflower]

I honestly don't feel anyone has been nasty or unfair in their posts.
Lots of us - yes, 'us', those who have replied here - have posted at length to Suff on very numerous occasions over the years, showing immense concern to very similar situations.
We have talked to him on here and on Health, giving good-natured, well-intentioned, and sometimes very serious advice about his general lifestyle and also about specific health concerns.
Time and time again, Suff has given very lengthy explanations - excuses - for how things are, whether it's his weight, his working hours, the work he does on his house, you name it.

And please, please don't tell me 'no-one understands' because actually plenty do.
Reading back, I don't see anyone belittling Suff's problems in any way. There are definitely some (yes,like me) who are saying, we've heard all this before, when are you going to do something about it.

As for how often anyone posts, what boards, etc, well of course that's anyone's prerogative. You can pop in and out every few weeks/months, make the odd comment, not bother to read or care about what other members are up to, and disappear again; that's fine.
But really, given that, as you say Shaz, VV has a 'special, friendly vibe to it', that necessitates a little bit of give and take.

[shazsha]

I honestly don't feel anyone has been nasty or unfair in their posts.

We'll have to agree to disagree on this one, Di. Perhaps it's a matter of perception but I definitely felt a little uncomfortable in reading this thread.

Lots of us - yes, 'us', those who have replied here - have posted at length to Suff on very numerous occasions over the years, showing immense concern to very similar situations.
We have talked to him on here and on Health, giving good-natured, well-intentioned, and sometimes very serious advice about his general lifestyle and also about specific health concerns.
Time and time again, Suff has given very lengthy explanations - excuses - for how things are, whether it's his weight, his working hours, the work he does on his house, you name it.

I do know this, I have even commented on similar threads myself. However I've often found that when people are concerned about their health they tend to try and ignore their lifestyle and how it could be affecting them even when it is shoved in their face. Often they are afraid of illness and will try to carry on as normal even when they know that their lifestyle is contributing to how they feel. I may be wrong but I also believe that men are the worse for ignoring real health concerns. Yes, they'll share their worries but won't actively do anything about it until months/years have passed and they can no longer put off visits to GP,etc.
I also don't necessarily believe that Suff's explanations are excuses. We do get to know certain aspects of other posters lives on here but we aren't privvy to everything. Perhaps Suff isn't as financially secure at this point in his life as he would like to be, perhaps he would lose his life plans if he was forced to cut back on work and, though worried about his health, he believes it can wait just that little bit longer. As for his weight-Suff freely admits he is overweight and has tried dieting/healthier eating...he isn't just saying he is overweight and then totally disregarding it.

And please, please don't tell me 'no-one understands' because actually plenty do.
Reading back, I don't see anyone belittling Suff's problems in any way. There are definitely some (yes,like me) who are saying, we've heard all this before, when are you going to do something about it.

I didn't say anyone was belittling Suff's health problems. However I do believe that certain answers within this thread have been very unsupportive( if someone feels enough support has been given then why not just ignore the thread instead of making him feel that he cant post on here about his health issues again).
As for asking what he is going to do something about it-that implies he isn't doing anything whereas he actually is.He has went to his GP, found out about further tests, and gone for them,etc.

As for how often anyone posts, what boards, etc, well of course that's anyone's prerogative. You can pop in and out every few weeks/months, make the odd comment, not bother to read or care about what other members are up to, and disappear again; that's fine.
But really, given that, as you say Shaz, VV has a 'special, friendly vibe to it', that necessitates a little bit of give and take.

You honestly don't see anything wrong in the above, especially the part I have underlined? It appears to me there is the implication that Suff shows no interest in other posters and, imo, that is wrong. He goes out of his way to help out on the computer board and I can certainly testify that he has helped me via PM on a good few occasions.
I don't believe that give and take has to be public- I actually don't post much on site but I have often PM'd members re illness or life situations to try and be supportive/acknowledge hard times, etc and have had this courtesy returned to me by various members including Suff.

If you or others genuinely don't think this thread has been unfairly harsh then that is fine. However I don't agree and really felt that I had to show some support for a member who has been quietly helpful to me many times.

I have made my viewpoint clear and am now happy to bow out of the discussion.

[Lozzles]

This thread was never an attack on Suff. We all know how helpful and kind he has been over the years and welcome his support. Di and I have been lucky enough to meet Suff and know what a lovely chap he is. Ok, some things were said in the heat of the moment. That happens in life, whether it is face to face or on the boards. When it is face to face we can sort it out quickly, on the boards it is there on the screen for us all to read over and over again. So when things are said, they are not so easily forgotten sadly.
I am sure, at least I hope, that Suff understands the frustration of some posters, myself included and can understand where the frustration comes from. He knows we do care very much about his health and wellbeing and wish him nothing but well.
Unless Suff wishes to add to his thread then maybe it is time we leave it be...

[Diflower]

I know very well how much Suff helps on the computer board, he's helped me a lot too.
None of this was about the computer board.
I'm not about to go into another lengthy post - just reading yours is exhausting me tbh, this has all become a far too weighty and serious discussion and one I'm sure Suff never intended when he just posted to have a little moan about a cr*ppy day