Four Weddings and a Penalty Shootout

[TheOstrich]

I cannot believe you only paid £1.50 for a half-time pie at a League match, Ally ..... that's incredible. At Yeovil FC, they'd have charged you £4.50 for just one !!
Sorry to learn Birmingham City lost again - they're having a torrid time this season.

Yes I did eat both pasties - one before the game, t'other at half-time.

[Ally]

I think it was a promotion Ossie as it was a 'bums on seats for a tenner' day.

It wasn't too bad either. Minced beef.

I could have had a tray of chips for £2.50 but knew we were having fish and chips later. Which we did and flippin gorgeous they were too!

[Kaz]

Ha ha Ossie, if you'd committed a murder over a dodgy half-time pie down at Midsomer a year or so back you'd have met DCI Jones, Mick's brother, the real life Barnaby He got all the juicy murders

FWIW I would also have returned the card

[Kaz]

What a bargain day Ally!

[cromwell]

It sounds like you had a nice day Ally, apart from the Blues losing again.

I dunno Kaz, I reckon Mick's brother needs to come out of retirement. "Donald" Ossie? There's something fishy going on here, I think the neighbour is onto something!

I love these reports Os, incidents like the Transit getting damaged bring home the flavour of these sort of matches! Years ago I was playing amateur rugby league when the crowd decided to invade the pitch! That was an interesting five minutes.

I am intrigued by the mystery of the variably priced pasties, too!

[JoM]

Laughing here at the variable pasty pricing

Not sure of the individual prices for pies at Old Trafford, we usually get a bit of food from Home Bargains or a meal deal from Tesco on the walk from the station. If it's a night game in Feb and tickets have gone on general sale so we've taken John though, we're usually in a rush and end up buying something inside and it's £7 for a pie or large hotdog and a drink.

[TheOstrich]

23/12 – With the virtually complete shutdown of local county football and rugby leagues until January, and not wishing to travel too far today, I’d had my eye on Castle Cary v Keynsham Town Reserves in the Somerset League as one of the few reasonable options available, but that game apparently went south this morning (waterlogged pitch) , so the only viable alternative appeared to be the Western Way ground of Bemerton Heath Harlequins, a visit to complete a clean sweep the major soccer and rugby grounds in the Salisbury area.

The ground is on the western edge of the city, about two miles from the centre, and adjacent to the now closed Quidhampton chalk mining quarry. To access by car, it’s a question of turning off the A36 Salisbury – Wilton road by the railway over-bridge into Pembroke Road and then left into Western Way which leads through a rather run-down estate and eventually peters out into a track leading down into the football ground’s car park. The stadium, which is in a natural bowl and surrounded on three sides by towering lines of conifers, (some look like they’re over 40’ tall), has a dark, very enclosed feel, especially on a cold, grey afternoon like today. Turnstile entrance from the car-park brings you behind the clubhouse goal; there’s two sturdy covered stands down the left touchline, one of which has bucket seats, and a raised standing area lies between them. The clubhouse is a rabbit-warren of corridors and rooms on two levels, with the Boardroom having a balcony overlooking the pitch.

The clubhouse – typical of the sort of members’ club you’d find in a rather down-at-heel estate like Bemerton Heath – is positively festooned with "Notices". They’re plastered everywhere! As soon as you enter the place, there’s a large notice about how to operate the smart-card locked front door, an admonition to renew your membership by 31st December or else “your smart-card will become inoperative” and another rant addressed to “the thieves and burgulars [sic] who walk amongst us” to the effect there ain’t no cash left on the premises!

Turn to your right, and there’s a notice on the Ladies door, advising that as the heating system is useless, so “the toilets will be cold. Please use other toilets or you may have a cold bottom.” The notice on the Gents was more succinct, merely describing it as a “cold bum zone”.

Prominently on the walls of the bar are two large wooden displays described as the Bemerton Club Indoor Sports Champions Boards. These cover the traditional pub games of darts, pool, cribbage and (somewhat strangely) golf! The fruit machines bear notices with detailed instructions and regulations on how to claim your winnings in cash with the underlined aside that “Moaning at the bar staff will not help”.

The main club notice, laminated A4 on a table by the entrance and readily viewable by all club entrants, reminds us that “it is not just a football club – but somewhere you can come to relax and enjoy a drink with family and friends”. But remember, “Absolutely No Glasses to be Taken Outside”. Especially, no doubt, if you are a burgular.

The tea hatch is located in a gloomy gangway between bar and the hardstanding behind the near goal. There’s a notice by the window that says “Pricing is Variable depending on Customer Attitude”
Ossie : “So if I give you a great big smile and wish you Merry Christmas, do I get 10p off?”
Lady: “No. That’ll be £3”.
One crestfallen Ostrich .....

Well, there’s actually very little to say about the match. My fourth goal-less draw this season. A somewhat robust affair, with Portland , shall we say, the robustier, and their centre-half Sam Buckler duly received his marching orders for a second yellow on 83m. An even first half, BHH more on top in the second half, a few viable chances created by both sides, but both keepers equal to the task. It would have been a reasonable enough match in warmer weather conditions, but today, by midway through the second half, I was just looking forward to getting back in the car, getting the heater on, and getting home .....

Sydenhams Wessex League Premier Division (Step 5): Bemerton Heath Harlequins 0 Portland United 0
Admission: £3
Programme: £1 (24pp generic advertising shell and 4pp specific match insert. The latter listed the two 15-man teams and substitutes, and it soon became obvious these were somewhat inaccurate – there were only 25 name and positional changes! The generic shell does contain a potted club history, list of honours, and a league table, but for some unfathomable reason, this turned out to be the final Wessex League table for the 2013/14 season ….. Oh, and it’s supply yer own staples!
Teams: The ubiquitous Sydenhams League white-board, on which the actual teams are displayed, was eventually discovered perched on a dustbin by the turnstile …
Refreshments: burger ‘n tea (in a fancy mug) £3 from the hatch, J2O ‘n cheese and onion Walkers crisps £2.80

Oh yes, and I did manage eventually to track down the alternative toilets. They were roasting! And there was a notice on one of the cubicle doors saying: "Sky Sports Live Here" ! The mind boggles

[Ally]

Great read as ever Ossie.

I have to say I was most impressed with the ladies loos at Birmingham City's ground last weekend.

In fact...I have to to say I was most impressed with the whole Blues set up.

Just not the score!

[cromwell]

A cold bum zone! Great read Os. I couldn't be doing with all those notices. I'm surprised the burgulars didn't nick them!

[JoM]

Great write up Ossie!
Decent value, that food and drink too