Vocal Voices

I have had a very stressful morning and now feel completely drained! I am going to make a cake to de-stress myself!!!

I had to take L to the dentist as Mick had a job he couldn't put off. She went about a month ago for one filling and although she was in there nearly two hours getting it done, get it done she did. She had been terrified before she went but after it was all over did admit that it didn't really hurt at all.

This time we went to the same dentist but at a different clinic - she was told that this filling was a tiny one and would take five minutes. Would she open her mouth for the injection - would she hell as like. So she said she would have a go at having it filled without having it numbed - that didn't work either. One hour later and the dentist had to put a temporary dressing on it and we have another appointment to go back in September! The dentist was very patient but you could tell the nurse was starting to get a little pissed off with her! I managed to keep my mouth shut the whole way through it as I was definitely getting very pissed off with her!

I am so angry at her but have tried not to shout (tried but failed) - I know she is frightened but for gods sake - she says she can't remember whether the injection she had last time hurt or not. So surely (says I to her) that means that if you don't remember it it didn't hurt. She tried making excuses afterwards that she couldn't tell if her mouth was open all the way or not (she had been sucking on the gas to chill her out) but that doesn't wash. I know she has worked herself up into a state about it but she has to learn that there are things in life we might not want to do but have to. She has to have visits to the dentist and if need be, she has to have work done on them. One piddly little filling - god help her if she ever needs root canal work!

So she is banned from having fizzy pop, juice and spending money on sweets until it is done. I have told her that she can have sweets once a week from now on - if she can't make the effort to help look after her teeth then she doesn't have the sugary foods that ruin them.

She's 11 for gods sake - she understands that she has to have the work done, she understands what five minutes is. Grrrrr.

She has to go to the orthodontist in October as she needs braces fitting but I already know that before she can have them she has to have some teeth removed. God help us.

And to make matters worse I had to lie to my boss to get the day off today to take her as I was supposed to be in a meeting and knew that I wouldn't get the time off at short notice to take her to the dentist (I only found out on Friday that Mick couldn't). So I had to say that she had fallen down the steps outside and I needed to take her to A&E. I already know that I won't be able to get the day off to take her on 10 September as it is the week before our AGM and I will be busy doing my papers. If Mick can't take her then I will have to ask my mother in law.

Oh dear

Firstly - sorry! that does sound like a very frustrating day; and I think the idea of sweet things only once a week until the tooth is sorted is a good one.

Secondly - why do you have to wait until September for another appointment? And I suspect the MIL taking her may actually not be a bad thing; chances are L will behave very different with her than with you?


But.... looking at it from L's point of view; as a kid I was terrified of the dentist; beyond terrified. We didn't have a very child friendly one at all and I dreaded going. Thankfully now-a-days they have so much more to help children (and adults) overcome their fear but still.... I can sort of understand where L is coming from and I feel for her (so please do give her a hug from me)

Could you for the next appointment apply some numbing gel (ie bonjela or something) and then she won't feel the injection etc? I know she's got the option of the gas but still; maybe in her mind a numbing gel will work better?

Having worked in dental practices for years I do understand L's fear as I seen alot of people scared.

I also understand your frustration with her.

I wish I could come over and be with L when she visited the dentist - just to allay her fear and assure her once she's had the injection there is no pain.

She might now realise how important it is to look after her teeth if she doesn't want to face any more injections and fillings - also being a young girl she'll be getting to the age soon where she'll be aware how important it is to have a nice pair of gnashers.

Having orthodontic treatment isn't painful at all..but she'll probably be dreading it already at the thought of teeth having to be extracted first.

Poor wee thing. xxx

Yes Ria - they should offer a topical anaesthetic first.

Hopefully the dental nurse and/or dentist will see L's fear and be sympathetic. xx

I feel sorry for you both!! As an ex dental phobic I know only too well how L feels, but as a mum I feel your 'pain' too

Do you think L is actually phobic, or just rather stubborn? I only ask as if it is a genuine phobia there are lots of downloads for self-hypnosis out there...................

I think she's stubbon Kaz to be honest. Before we went into the surgery, even whilst sitting in the waiting room, she was really chatty and was fine when we first went in. It was only when she got in the chair that she became nervous - I could see that she was really anxious (as could the dentist).

I do understand what she's going through - I was (and still am) terrified of dentists to the point that I would put off going for as long as I could stand the pain and then make myself physically sick for the couple of days before my appointment. I have even been known to get into the dentist chair, have the numbing injection and be sent back to the waiting room to wait for it to take effect and then leave!!!

But I know that I haven't put this fear onto her as I never make myself an appointment at the same time as them and they go to a completely different dentist to me so their dental practice holds no fear to me.

She acts exactly the same in the dentist chair as she did in the ear piercers chair - afraid of what might happen even though she has been reassured that it won't really hurt all that much.

And she knows exactly what was going to happen as she only had a filling a month ago (with the same dentist) and said afterwards that she didn't know why she had made so much fuss.

I don't know why she is waiting until September - that was the dentist's decision. I suppose to get rid of all anxieties around it (or maybe the dentist leaves in August and doesn't want to go through it all again ).

The dentist was fab - they had L on the gas to relax her first but they didn't think she had really taken enough of it in (even though they kept prompting her). Next time, the dentist is going to take it back a step again and start from the beginning - talking her through it all again, demonstrating it on a dummy thing, showing her the gas, etc - just like they did last time to prepare her for future appointments.

Oh - and I actually think that if Mick had taken her as planned she would have had it done.

She "plays up" more for me than she does for him, although she wasn't playing up, if you know what I mean.

And she had the numbing gel Ria - twice!

Afterwards she used that as the excuse as to why she didn't open her mouth all the way for the injection.

Oh dear debih, what an ordeal for you both.

I must admit to having lots of sympathy for L, I've always had a dreadful fear of the dentist although I am a lot better at coping these days. Like you I've been at great pains over the years not to pass on my fear to the children, but I expect they have picked up on my anxiety at times. It definitely sounds as though it would be better for her to go with Mick or even MIL for future visits xxx

You certainly have a problem there, Debih.

I know that shouting at her won't help, but you might try telling her about the secret method I have used,
since my school days, when dentists were notoriously unpleasant --- and I still use it now!

When walking into the dentist's workplace, I look at my watch, note the time, and say to myself,
"Whatever he does to me, the time will come soon when I will be walking out of here and it will be
all over - and there is nothing he can do to stop the progress of tide and time (think of King Canute).

Get that idea firmly established and, believe me, it does work. (for me, anyhow).

(You probably will think I am nuts - perhaps I am !!!)