I just need to have a little moan

[meriad]

My upstairs neighbour S has a son who is about 3.5 years old (or so). I do feel quite sorry for him because they live in a small 1 bed flat and she really doesn't seem to go out much with him, generally relying on her mum or nan to come collect them. She rents from the owner of the upstairs flat and the garden is usually in a terrible state that it cannot be used (as a bit of background, the front garden is quite long; mine is to the left of the foot path and hers to the right. The back garden is split horizontally so the first back 1/2 belongs to me and her garden runs behind mind - accessed by a path that goes between my fence line and that of the other neighbour [hope that makes sense?])

I put a call into the owner of the flat the other day asking him to please - at a minimum - sort the front garden as the grass was knee high, the hedge totally overgrown etc and he had thankfully already set wheels in motion to get it done. Once that was done I was really pleased for Jacob (S's son) as they invested in a trampoline and sandpit for him. Finally somewhere for him to be outside and have fun.... but I didn't expect the mess that comes with it . It seems that most of his toys are now stewn across the lawn, he's got about 3 pairs of shoes lying about. Empty soap bubble bottles (3 at last count) lying about, the box that the nuts and screws for the trampoline came in together with the instructions lying about. She bought a table and chair set from Argos - again, very nice - but the empty box is now also lying around and probably won't be cleared for a while (going from past experience).

So on the one hand I am so very glad for Jacob and he's loving his toys, being outside, jumping on the trampoline and being able to get rid of excess energy etc, but it would be nice if she could try and keep the area just a teeny bit tidier. I know it's her garden and she can do what she wants, but it's just a bit embarrassing when my visitors have to walk past that whenever they visit me, and it's an eye sore (bearing in mind that from November last year through to about 3 weeks ago she had an old sofa and filing cabinet and a few other smaller things on the front lawn happily falling apart - so we've more or less gone from furniture dumping area to large messy play room).

Admittedly I did have a bit of a louder than normal conversation with one of my cats yesterday as we were walking up the path, commenting on the mess - and I suspect she did overhear some of that as she did go out and pick up a few bits and bobs, but still - it's such a mess... sigh

[Workingman]

Ria, there are times when these little niggles have to be tackled head on before they grow out of all proportion. If you do not deal now it could grow and grow to become a real problem, then the danger is that one day you will go nuclear to the benefit of nobody.

i am not suggesting that you get confrontational, but some people simply do not take hints. It looks as though you are going to have to spell things out clearly and calmly, and in a friendly way, in the hope that she takes notice.

You cannot let things ride, for your health's sake. I really wish you well as a little diplomacy can go a long way.

[meriad]

Thanks; I was wondering what others may think.... I will have a word with her when I next see her; as you say - it needs to be tackled now before it gets worse and I just get angrier and angrier

[Kaz]

Agreed - Is she the friendly sort you could tackle about this Ria, without it getting narky? You will know her whereas we don't. If she's the stroppy type I think your best route is via the landlord (you have a right to a tidy outside surely?) but if she's amenable I would have a friendly word......maybe offer to help her move a few of the boxes and stuff? If she doesn't drive then perhaps she might need a bit of help shifting stuff to a nearby recycling centre or tip.....Might be worth the hassle just to get it sorted this once?

[meriad]

she's very amenable so that won't be a problem and we get on well enough to say hi and bye and have a general chit chat; but we're not good friends. I had already offered and helped with clearing some of the stuff (because I wanted to get rid of it); but she needs to learn to take responsibility for things herself and not always rely on others.

As for driving - she has plenty family who drive and can help. I'm not going to offer because unfortunately she is the type who will keep asking if you've done it once

[Fugitive]

I would go the same route as Kaz suggested and speak to her landlord again. It is his responsibility as the owner to keep things in order in his property and not upset the other residents. The landlord seemed very understanding and acted on your previous suggestion. A quiet request from him to his tenant is better than you getting involved.

[Kaz]

As for driving - she has plenty family who drive and can help. I'm not going to offer because unfortunately she is the type who will keep asking if you've done it once

Oh right - totally understand where you are coming from, in that case