Dilemma

[Gal]

It was Jen's birthday last week, she got a lot of cards and lovely gifts, and some cash, always useful!

She always gets a card and usually money from both my siblings, (her aunties and uncle), but this year she hasn't received anything from my brother and his wife. She doesn't know whether A and K will be waiting for a thank you (assuming they have sent her a card, but we haven't received it) but I saw K a couple of weeks ago and she didn't mention Jen's birthday, it didn't occur to me that she might be ignoring it this year.

Their daughter is the one living in Australia, she has two children. It's generally the thing in our family that once a new generation comes along, the gifts and cards stop for the grown up and start for the children. Obvs Jen doesn't have kids (yet!) so this isn't the case for them......however I tend not to post cards and money to Australia but hand a cheque to K for the kids' Christmas gift so she can take that to Oz when they go.

Starting to think K is being a bit petty in ignoring J's birthday because I don't do cards etc for my great niece/nephew.

But I'm not sure if to ignore this newest development or do you think J should mention something to them about not receiving a card, and therefore can't thank them for one?

[meriad]

I most definitely don't think Jen should say something to A & K and personally I'd ignore the situation.

If A & K ever mentioned not receiving a thank you card then you can say that nothing was received, but I wouldn't say anything before then.

[Gal]

Tbh Ria that was my feeling too - they wouldn't mention not getting a thank you however, at least not to me or Jen.

Thanks x

[meriad]

In our family we stop giving gifts to the children (ie my nieces and nephews) from age 18. The only time they get after that is if we happen to spend the day with them, be it Christmas or birthday. And we also only buy for our god children, not all of them

[saundra]

It's a bit awkward really as it might have got lost in the post
If I saw a/k I admit I would say Jen had a nice birthday and if they don't pick up on it I would leave it
It's always difficult when to stop giving to children my family is small but we don't give to children after 18
The boys cousins and there children



But iv a new generation of babys to buy for it gets very complicated they are from 1 year to 14 plus Lilly's mum she is 29

[Workingman]

I am of the opposite opinion, sorry Ria and Gal.

Gal, you or Jen should ask, she is after all their niece, but not in a challenging way. Just a polite question about growing out of cards sort of thing. If you don't it will fester, as appears to be starting.

Our family does the same btw regarding a time to stop. 18 is the usual stop time, with the exception being a 21st, other than that it is just a text of phone call wishing a happy birthday. That seems to be the norm these days for many people.

[JoM]

I wouldn't mention it either Gal. Just ignore it for this year, if she doesn't get a card next year then you have your answer.

We stopped buying for the nephews once they were over 21 but we still send a card. We've got a similar situation to yours and Jen's though. The last two years John's sister hasn't sent Joe as much as a card on his birthday. Tom's continued to get one with money in and she even dropped his in last birthday as she was in the area (and then told Joe to have a nice birthday on the way out ). The first year I thought it was lost in the post but when nothing arrived this year then I think we can assume that she's forgot. It's not like she's got a lot of nieces and nephews to remember either - it's just our two as her husband is an only child, and Joe is her Godson!

[Kaz]

Our family stops when the youngsters leave full-time education. For instance, this will be the first year I don't send my sister's boy anything as he graduated this year.

I wouldn't say anything, just let it go - is Jen really bothered by it? xx

[Gal]

I think she is - primarily because if they HAVE sent something, and she doesn't respond, then it doesn't look very nice on her part.

We'll be going to A and K's next Sunday anyway, they are having their annual Farewell party before they head to Australia for a few weeks....not sure if Jen can go as she may be working so it will just be Tom, my sister and me that go...Neil will be a miss

I'll see if anything is mentioned there.

Thanks for your thoughts, as always xx